to give up or to hold on PART-1
Emotions are tiresome. They don’t leave you even if the events are over. They make you, break you, twist you, twirl n swirl you, knock you down, push you up, gives you jerks, slips away your perks, dominate you, rotate you, publish you, abolish you. They drive you and snatch the sanity. They linger like shadows of past and never leave you alone in your journey. They guide you for the future path, warn you time to time, make you regret your decisions, lead you, please you, makes you forget the present, cast the spell of past, makes you live in there as if there is no tomorrow. They hit you most when you are about to begin something new and makes you question your decisions. They give you endless how’s and why’s. Emotions fool you but still make you drool over. They disconnect you from the real world and transport you to a fictional world which is all make belief or what was never there. They take over our senses and the senses go haywire. The wires to the mirror world are connected but the cross connection is always there.
Feeling of Hollowness:-Emotional quotient vacates the portion it once occupied when you go through heartbreak. All aches n pains can be overcome by applying balms and sprays but the aches which emotions carry with them are hard to be erased. The vacuum it creates gives you a hollow feeling deep inside and gives you hallucinations any time of the day for being loved, liked and appreciated. The incidents leave you but the memories it created don’t crave to surface time n again. Again, it hurts more because I have stopped loving myself and my love has transferred to my loved one as I have made him/ her /society the central point of my existence, my loves, my likes, my dreams, my preferences. Apart from being physically live, I have ceased to exist. I no longer do what I love to do but prefer to do but what my partner/society likes me to do. I have conditioned myself to become a better person for someone who I value more but in the process I have demeaned my personality and my individuality. That also means that I do not completely agree to myself being correct and complete so I can always alter myself to suit someone else’s image of what I should be like rather than what I have turned out to be like. That ultimately comes to that I find my value to be less than my partner’s/society’s worth. Majority of suicides in youngsters happen when the going is extremely tough for them as feeling unloved, uncared, unwanted and uncommunicative. Other major factor is social acceptance. Stages of depression- may involve being different from pre-determined standards, disapproval, Self pity, cravings for love, decline in acceptance, THE END.
Thinking in depression:-I am emotional wreck. My emotions are vulnerable and I am prone to self-pity, doubting myself and my capabilities. I find myself incapable to keep everyone happy and content. I have concluded that I am good for nothing. I have been unable to justify any role given to me by life and failed miserably in every department. I am unable to find good qualities in me anymore. I find no one needs me or my role in their life has ended. I find no good purpose to live the tattered life I am living. I could have found out the reason to be going had i been in love with myself which I forgot long ago for I started loving someone else much much more than me and I found myself too small to live to his towering love.(In this case the society’s (Pressure has been tremendous and I couldn’t cope with the expectations)
Meaning of death: – Death invariably means different to different people. A common man says- hey RAM! May his soul rest in peace or the statuses are updated on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram with RIP messages with feeling- less so called emotional tributes.
A religious man/ priest/ dharma guru says- death is eternal, it mingles you with almighty forever. This body was never yours. Almighty has given you this body and he has rightfully taken it away when the time was ripe, so don’t cry, it was bound to happen, it was pre- destined.
A reporter will tear apart the history, geography and family of the deceased and will telecast special programs or write lengthy columns to elaborate the facts, ifs and why’s mixed with some psychology of the concerned person and rake TRP’s.
A politician will give strong interviews in media, will blame the opposition, in extreme cases, will hamper the working of parliament, will cry crocodile tears, will issue apologies to the nation on national television, will grant houses and shower consoling money and get selfies clicked.
But the reality escapes no one- DEATH- end of a life who has lived, loved, tried, faltered, mastered, experienced, nurtured, defeated, conquered. A full life span with living emotions, these all people never lived the life of the deceased to comment, to judge, to criticize, to condemn. Our society is prejudiced, it wants new but wants the old to stay, it wants change but want to remain same, it wants to run faster but doesn’t want to get bruised, it wants to improve but doesn’t want to rectify, it wants knowledge but doesn’t want to leave superstitions/ criticism, it wants light but doesn’t want to let the darkness go , it wants to dream but doesn’t want to sleep, it wants to catch but doesn’t want the hands to step further or leave what is already in hands, it wants love but doesn’t want hate to bury, it wants life but doesn’t want to breathe….
Image Courtesy:- Internet
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